I want to update you folks on what I got going on this month. Right now I’m in Swaziland working at some Adventure in Mission care points. During the next four weeks we are going to build covered cooking sites at three of the care points. You see, the GoGo’s (the name of the ladies that take care of the kids) cook the kid’s food outside over an open fire. So, if it’s raining or the wind is bad that day obviously it’s harder to cook. We’re going to make it easier on them by constructing a three-meter by two and a half meter concrete building that will protect the cooking process from the outside elements. A lot of these kids walk great distances to eat the only meal they will get that day. So it’s obviously important we get this done.

     I’ll be in Swaziland until July 20^th. Then we will head over to Johannesburg and come July 26^th we’ll be on our way to India. It’s so hard to believe our time in Africa is nearly over.

     Be blessed ya’ll. And again thank you so much for all your support.

Thank you to Kim Daniels who came up with this idea and then spent hours bringing it all together. I love you sister! And of course thank you to all my lovely, sweet and awesome teammates!

Support Need:

$4600 by July 1st

Then an additional $3200 by October 1st.

Total need: $7800

An awareness of Jesus leads to a concern for others.

God is quickly showing me my "concern" for others just ain't cuttin' it folks. "Concern" doesn't inspire, doesn't move people - it doesn't call anyone to action.

A relationship with the living God through His Son leads to a real LOVE for others.

This kind of love inspires, moves, touches, sparks a fire that can changes a people, and even a country.

God is showing me its going take this kind of love to change Swaziland.

"Concern" cripples.

Love empowers.

"Concern" gives handouts.

Love solves problems.

"Concern" gives a man a fish.

Love teaches a man to fish.

The difference is massive.

Sometimes as short-term missionaries we can do more damage than good. I'm learning there is a fine line between empowering people and crippling them.

In Swaziland, Adventures in Missions is first and foremost meeting the immediate needs of thousands upon thousands of kids. Those needs are food, shelter, clothing and medicine. In fact, this is what one of our world race teams spent the last month doing - meeting needs.

BUT, our involvement is much deeper. We are partnering with local pastors who GET the vision. Pastors who when they see hungry kids, think let's not just feed them - let's teach them how to plant a garden. That way they can grow their own food, and maybe have enough left over to sell. And who knows, with the money earned maybe they can buy a cow. You see the difference?

This is teaching a man to fish. This empowers people.

But teaching a man to fish takes commitment. It takes sacrifice. It takes LOVE - a love from Jesus. And it's the only way we'll ever change a man, a family - a country.

I've been asked to speak to a group of local pastors about this very topic. My job is to help them take the vision they have and pass it along to the American teams they'll be working with. It's important as missionaries for us to know, we will not save the world in four weeks. We need to learn what it means to partner with the locals and empower the people - not cripple them. Change takes time, but I promise you the love of Jesus inside us will change the fate of this tiny little country in Southern Africa.

For my part to continue in this, I need to raise $8000 by July 1^st.

Happy Mother's Day momma! I love you and I miss you.

I'm so freakin' blessed God chose you to be my mother. I will NEVER be able to thank you for all your love and support throughout the years.

I love you.

     OK, so if you've read my last few blogs then you can see these past few days I've been trying to wrestle down this whole concept of "receiving God's love" - getting totally naked in front of Him. And what do you know; in my nakedness He exposed something to me.

     I still find my joy, worth and identity in what I "do" or in my role.

     Roles! Geesh! Man, roles can kill us, and they will enslave us if we let them. Thing is though, we all have roles in our lives. Some of us try to obtain them, like jobs, being a mom or dad, husband or wife; other roles people give us - labels. Obviously there are tons more, but I only have a limited amount of your time. Either way, as soon as we enter in to a role, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we are in danger of that role defining us. 

     For example, growing up in my small town I gained the reputation for being a wild and crazy kid. Truth be told, I really wasn't - in the beginning. I had only gotten in trouble a couple times, but as in any small town word got around quickly. That, coupled with the fact my own father had the same type of reputation when he was growing up, made people instantly label me. Next thing I know, I'm in this role as the "wild, party guy!"

     Roles create expectations. Expectations create false behavior. And once we receive approval or validation from our false behavior we find ourselves creating a false identity so when can continue to please the people around us. Because, after all, we just want to be accepted. But the problem with this false identity we created is, we are now forced to keep "putting up a front" to continue meeting the expectations that have been placed on us by our roles. And operating out of this false identity creates fear, shame and guilt. Because, deep down, we know this "false identity" is not who we really are. In fact, we are ashamed of this life we live and it makes us sick. We live in constant fear that if we are ever "found out" no one will like us.

     Let me show you how this has looked in my life.

     So, here I am this 15-year old kid and already I had the label as a drunk, wild, party guy. Now I'm not trying to throw a pity party here. I fully accept that I did some things that would warrant such a label. I do take responsibility for my actions. However, I still had the label, or role - and it hurt. I just figured, "OK, so ya'll expect me to be crazy, I'll freakin' show you crazy then!" And off I went.

     Ten years later I was completely enslaved to a lifestyle I didn't want, BUT I had no other idea how to be. I knew this crazy, party guy was not who I really was, I knew it was not who God made me to be. You know, it's funny I operated out of this false self to gain acceptance - which brought me worth and happiness. However, it was also that same false self that was bringing me misery.

     Anyway, October 20, 2001 - I got sober. Let me tell you, the years that followed were hard as hell because I had no idea how to act. I didn't know who I was. Slowly though, I found new roles to place myself in, whether that be my job as a TV sports guy or a man that had an ease with the ladies. And sure enough, these new roles created expectations, which led to the whole process being started all over again. Ultimately, I was right back in the spot of finding my joy and my worth in my roles.

     Now, here I sit in South Africa and God showed me I was getting close to doing that AGAIN in my current role as squad leader. Crazy huh?! I'm finally learning that our happiness and joy can ONLY be found in Him. I say that because our roles ALWAYS change. And if our joy is in our roles, and roles change, then our joy is not rooted in any kind of firm foundation. Joy in the Lord is unchanging, because the Lord is unchanging. So, when change hits us, and it always will, then we are steady because our life is rooted in something steady - and that's God.

     I still haven't found out how to make this all work in my life in a practical sense. But, I am learning that if I want to find my joy in God, then I must rid myself of everything else that I can run to. The last thing I want to do is define myself by my work in ministry. To me, this is the most dangerous role, because then we feel like we have to be perfect. And that's when we stop being honest and then next thing you know you got some ugly church scandal on your hands. Ministers, first and foremost, can't get caught up in that role. I already found myself trying to slide into that role - forget that! I think that's why I'm so bent on being way in your face, BLUNT HONEST!

     So yes, this year is about finding my worth in Him alone! Not anything or anyone else. I'm already seeing that in the people on my team. That's my passion folks, seeing a whole generation waking up to who they really are - because we will never find who we are in what we do. I want to see people live in freedom from roles, freedom from expectations, freedom from having to be something they are not. I've lived that life. It blows! And there is NO freedom in that. Jesus came to set us free. And let me tell you, there is TRUE FREEDOM in not having to be who the world tells you to be!

     And this is the message we preach - FREEDOM!

     But, my friends, I need to raise more support if I want to continue bringing this message to the nations and to my team.

     In my last blog I told ya'll how the Lord said I must be like Adam and Eve and get naked in front of Him to receive His love.

     Alright, so here I am - naked!

     In September of '06 I broke up with my girlfriend because I came to the conclusion I could never be the committed man she deserved. I felt like a failure. So, I decided I would "let go of the rope." Which meant since I couldn't be faithful, and I would never be married, I might as well just date as many woman as possible.

     And it was this promiscuous life-style that brought me to the point of begging God to make me a man of integrity. I guess it only took about five months, because I started making that my prayer in January of 2007. Anyway, around that time, I found the world race on the Internet and the rest you would say is history.

     Great story, right?! I'm cured! I'm healed! I'm a man of integrity! I no longer struggle with the same crap!

     HA! Unfortunately that's not the case. Now I ask myself, "Why not? What are you talking about?! I mean, I've been traveling the world for a year. God has worked thru me to advance His Kingdom. I've seen miracles before my very eyes. Heck, I'm the squad leader for the 2008 team! I should be totally and completely cured of all my iniquities! Right?"

     Wrong!

     Unfortunately here I sit, some 19 months later from that fateful day I said, "I'm letting go of the rope," finding myself wanting to let go of the rope again.

     I'm not in a relationship right now, but I do have someone in my life. And with this person there is the possibility of something real and lasting. Lately I have really felt like God was saying be open to future possibilities and stop pushing her away. Which, to be honest, I halfway believe that's what He's saying. Many times in the past I have misread God on relationship issues, so I'm a little hesitant to believe that I hear from him when it comes to girls.

     Ok, so anyway, I tell her that this is what I heard from the Lord. But, in the days that follow suddenly I'm full of doubt. Fears. I start thinking of all the reasons it won't work. Other girls become more attractive to me and I feel like maybe someone else could be the "one." I immediately start to get down on myself because I realize I have got to take back everything I said and run from her. I have to run from her to protect her from who I really am. Which, let's be honest - I'm a lady's man. Or at least that's what I've been told for years. Then, I start feeling guilty and shameful because I am going to hurt this sweet, innocent girl that has done nothing wrong other than fall in love with me.

     Then it hits me! I went thru this nearly two years ago. Everything is the same! Right down to the same condemning crap I tell myself. So then I start asking myself, "Has anything changed?" "Are you still the same man with no integrity?" "But what about ALL these experiences I've had with God over the last year? Did they mean nothing?"

     Welcome to my prison - the prison of Condemnation!

     And the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on. It's been this way for 16 YEARS!

     How do I get out? I have no answers. Maybe just getting this out will help. James does tell us, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be HEALED." (4:16) Because my friends, that's all I want - is healing. I want to leave this prison I live in. I want freedom! I want to feel my Father's love in all this!

     So that's why I am here - naked in front of you.